My Birthday Letter to M

Read previous letters here and here

Happy Birthday M!

It seems I blinked a little too long this year.  It went by far too quickly.  I love you so much!  You bring so much joy, laughter and silliness to our lives.  To nobodies surprise you have sprouted up even more this year.  You are now in the 99% of 4 year olds in height.  And for as tall as you are on the charts in height I'd say you are off the charts beautiful and silly!

You are as much a mommy's girl as the day you were born.  Despite your love for independence you still are my little shadow.  I think you are downstairs playing and all of a sudden you're standing right behind me upstairs.  Really.  It happens constantly.  It truly doesn't take you more than 10 seconds to realize I'm out of sight before you bolt it to my location.  Miss. M you know how to make me feel so loved.  You run to me throughout the day and wrap your whole body tight around me as if I hadn't seen you in days.  You are my snuggle bear.  Those hugs are so savory and sweet.

You also love to hug your big sister.  The excitement you get when we get to visit her at school is palpable.  I could go on all day about your love for your sister and her love for you.  You are the best of friends and I pray you two stay that way.

You also have a love for your brother that is truly a gift.  Despite your age you speak about him and love on him as if he were here.  You have pictures and books you've drawn and picked out for him.  You sometimes ask if we can save him a snack for when he comes home and you and your sister have his seat all picked out for him at the kitchen table.  

And then their is "the dad" as you lovely call daddy.  Man you love him!  Though you are a mama's girl through and through you have no problem latching on to daddy before he leaves in the morning and as soon as he comes home.  You love wrapping your little body around his legs while he attempts to get any task done and while it might take him 3 or 4 times longer to do something he enjoys your company and giggles and plays right along with you.  There is no one that can make you laugh like Daddy can!

And we can't forget about Frozen.  In many ways it feels as though Elsa and Anna have been living with us this past year.  It has been literally one full year of Frozen in this house.  We watched Frozen for the first time on your 3rd Birthday and the Frozen play between you and your sister continued for the whole 12 months.  I think it might be winding down now.  Maybe.  You also took up a love for barbies, playing with hair (oh how I love when you play with my hair!), ponies, dolls and books.  You and your sister have made up your own language for your horses and ponies that you both take very seriously and assume everyone else understands.  We even had a horse themed party with your friends this year.  

You started your first dance class and gymnastics class this year.  You love love love your dance class.  I haven't figured out if its the dancing you like most or the fact that it's centered around disney princesses.

Every year that I've had you in my life has been a gift but this year has been extra special for me.  A started Kindergarten and your brother is still in Africa.  From September until now it has been you and me 5 days a week all day long.  Though I could've done without playing dolls and trains and barbies and store so much it has been time that I know I won't get back and I'm so thankful I had. 

You are so stinking funny Miss. M.  I can't even tell you.  You have these one liners that crack daddy and me up.  But more than your humor you are our joy.  Daddy and I are so thankful God let us be your parents!  Happy 4th Birthday!

Love,
Mommy

I try to ask the girls the same questions every year on their birthday.  Here are M's answers from this year....

What do you want to be when you grow-up?  A mommy and a teacher

What is your favorite thing to do with daddy?  play dolls

What is your favorite thing to do with mommy?  play store

What is your favorite thing to do with A? play dolls

What is your favorite toy?  A's Barbie but she always shares when I ask her but sometimes she doesn't and I just play with my own toys.

What is your favorite TV show?  I like my little ponies the best (note that she has only watched this show once over a year ago - she likes to play my little ponies) :)

What is your favorite color?  purple and pink

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?  vanilla and sherbet that has lime and cherry and orange

What is your favorite food? broccoli and carrots

Where is your favorite place to go? Disney (note: she has never been to Disney)

What is your favorite Bible story? When Jesus died on the cross for our sins.

Florida

This is the longest my parents have stayed in Florida since living in CT and FL so the girls and I were extra excited to come visit them this year!

About to take off on the plane...

Some park fun...

My mom took the girls and I to the American Girl doll store for a special treat.  Afterwards we went out to lunch with the dolls.  This is the face A wanted to take with her doll.  

It was Valentines day so A and I got to take a picture at the restaurant's kissing both.

Beach time fun....

A LOVED being in the ocean with Grandpa.  She wrote a homework assignment saying that she can "climb the waves."

I checked on the girls one night while we were there.  A is supposed to be on the top bed and M on the bottom.  Some how they both went down a level.  M is squished in between the desk and the bed.

Winter Fun

These pictures were taken after the first snow fall.  Rest assured we had PLENTY of more snow that came afterwards.  So much snow that A was regularly asking when Spring was coming.

This little snowman was quickly buried after the following snow storm as was the tire swing above.

Adoption Update: Waiting for the horizon

I realized just now that I haven't posted an adoption updated since July.  I'll give a paperwork/Congolese government update first and then share the other parts to the process.

On the paperwork side of things we are just about in the best place we could ask for given the current hold on children leaving the country.  U's visa was renewed just 3 days before it was set to expire.  Phew and thank you Jesus!  We have no idea when the suspension will be lifted but things seem to be headed in the right direction.  The US officials met with the Congolese officials early last month and had what seemed to be a very encouraging time together.  Both governments are expecting the lift to be sooner than later.  

The picture on his visa is from 6 months ago.  It doesn't seem that long but when I actually got the visa a few days later and saw his picture I was taken back with emotion.  Going from just barely two years old to 2 1/2 is a big difference.  He went from looking like a baby to looking like a toddler. I am incredibly thankful for the blessing of all the information we have about U's family, for his amazing foster family and for the countless pictures we have of Mr. U but in those moments when you have a visual reminder of the time that is slipping away it takes a toll on this mama.

Honestly, it's hard to put into words this experience.  This waiting.  This grieving over lost time with our baby boy who is no longer a baby.  The sadness that the girls feel as they are getting older and can understand more and more that they have a brother they can't play with.  I can see God doing life changing beautiful things through this ugly, dark place and I don't want to take away from that but the pain and aches and tears and mourning is real and painful and numbing and I would not be honest in this space if I didn't include that part of this waiting.

The waiting has above all been drenched with a peace and even a joy that is supernatural in ever way.  When the Bible talks about "peace that surpasses all understanding" I can confidently say I am living with that peace and it is a different kind of peace, unlike anything I have ever experienced in my life.

There have been high highs and low lows but I can say that though the low lows are always circumstantial, the high highs come with the joys of this process and in the pain of the waiting.  The later are gifts of experiencing God not based on the warm and fuzzy everything is going my way kind of days but experiencing God because he is good and constant and though the situations change He never will.

After feeling carried and protected through Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years, I crashed a bit this week.  I told God I don't know what to pray anymore, what to think anymore or do.  I asked him what now?  His answer was given as clear as day:

I'm still trying to figure out what "waiting patiently" will look like for me in this season but I know I'll get there.  Prayerfully I won't have to stay there long.  

A friend sent me this beautiful song yesterday.  I have listened to it over and over and over again.  Hopefully you can click on the link to watch & hear it.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNqo4Un2uZI

Far be it for me to not believe, even when my eyes can't see...
And the mountain that's in front of me, will be thrown into the midst of the sea.  
Through it all through it all my eyes are on you.  
Through it all it is well with me.  
Let it go my soul and trust in Him.  The waves and wind still know His name.

Lord, help us let go and trust in You. Amen.

Happy 10 Year Anniversary K!

Once upon a time there lived a girl who met a handsome young man.  They quickly became friends and soon after began dating.  

This handsome young man took the girl out on a date in Boston for an especially romantic night.   By the end of the night he walked her towards the harbor under a canopy filled with Christmas lights.  Before the girl knew it, he was down on one knee asking her to be his wife.

Eight months later the girl found herself all in white walking down the aisle committing their lives together.  She loved this handsome young man.  She was crazy over the moon about him.  They wrote their own vows and she was terribly nervous about having to read what she wrote in front of all these people.  

The girl meant what she wrote but never imagined the depth of what those words would one day carry.

When she spoke those words she never dreamed what job hunts, school, babies, special needs, appointments, finances, work, moving, LIFE would do to their marriage.  How it would shake things.  Honestly, she never expected the "bad times" to actually be bad.  "Happily ever after" only tells you about the happy.

The girl never expected how those bad times would some how make their love for each other stronger and more secure and oh so much more amazing.  How thankful she became for the naiveness of what those vows actually would some day mean so that she would take that leap of committing to them.

The girl also never ever dreamed that the "good times" could be this good.  She didn't know how the indescrible secrets of parenthood would deepen her love for him.  Everyone tells you how parenting will challenge your relationship (and it does) but they don't tell you the other secret to parenting.  

The love she felt the first time she saw him hold their baby girl.  The way he coached her and cared for her through 23 hours of labor.  

How the level of excitement and uninhibited silliness he has playing with their girls would make her love for him multiple.

The girl did not know his patience and understanding for her and their children would make her love for him leap endlessly.

The girl didn't know that sticking together through "sickness" would be him going out in the middle of the night for stomach bug meds and cleaning up after the three of them when they were all sick at the same time.

She didn't understand how much more his stares across the room and "you are beautifuls" would mean after 10 years, 3 kids, extra pounds, gray hairs and wrinkles.  

The girl would never have thought that they would have so much fun together that all these years later she would still miss him each day while he's at work, get excited for their weekends together and can't stand saying goodbye on Monday mornings.

And how walking down the stairs in the morning to see him doing Bible time and prayers with their little ones on the couch would make her feel like her heart is going to burst.

How God would deepen their love as they kneel together waiting for their son to come home.  

The girl didn't know that her best friend she walked down the aisle to marry would become the husband and father that he has become.  She didn't know the words she wrote in her vows were so lost on her back then.  Through all the moments and all the memories and all the "good times" and "bad times" God had taken the fun, naive and easy love and rooted it into something so much more beautiful then that wedding day 10 years ago.

When she walked down that aisle to marry her best friend she never dreamed this would be the life they had before them when they said their "I do's."  Ten years later she is so thankful God gave them something so much better!!

Me eating a granola bar before heading to the church.  Note to self: Never plan a major event during a mealtime unless food is involved.

First dance as a married couple

Before kids.

A night out while prego with A.

Be still my heart.  K and A.

K and M.  She's so tiny!!!

A slice of heaven.

Since I can't post pics of Mr. U this ornament will have to do for now.  

Happy Anniversary K!  I love you!!

Cousins

Christmas Card Outtakes

There is no denying these girls had a lot of fun!