Waiting

We found out last week that we are #3 on the waiting list to find out who are little Congolese baby is!! When I first read the email I got a HUGE burst of excited energy. It shouldn't be all that much longer before we get THE call! I can't wait to see the face of the child I love and miss so desperately. To know your child is out there and not know anything about him or her other than your love for this child is a strange thing to wrap my brain and heart around. I miss our baby more than anything on earth could express.

And then, then my thoughts drift.

 The birth mother.

I think about her almost as often as our Congolese child. I think about how one of the greatest days of our lives could be one of the worst times of her life. I obviously don't know her circumstances and we may never know. If she is alive, she is quit possibly about to do one of the hardest, selfless acts a human can do. I pray for her. I mourn her loss. I love her and whatever her story may be she will forever be apart of our family.

This is the part of adoption that I despise. Its the unfair part.

Poverty. Disease. Adoption for these reasons shouldn't have to exist. It's not the way God intended families to be.

I'm so abundantly thankful that God has this as our story. I know this child will fill our home and hearts with as much love as my girls sleeping upstairs. WE are the blessed ones in this story.

I'm floored by the goodness and mercy of our God. I'm reminded that He knows every hair on our heads, every detail of our lives and loves us. I am thankful that despite not understanding all the details of this world we have a God that can and does give peace that surpasses all understanding to all families.

 I think it's okay to let my thoughts drift. They drift to our baby. They drift to his or her birth mom. They drift to the promises of God...and that is exactly where my heart needs to be.